Is Couples Therapy a Bad Sign?

Often when couples think about coming to therapy, they think it might be a bad sign. A bad sign that they’ve “let things come to this point” or that “it means that a breakup is on the horizon.” I’ll start by saying that asking for help can say a lot about the work you’re willing to put in to create change in the relationship. It’s possible for people to go many years, or decades without seeking outside help, even though they wish they could. What I’m curious about with couples who ask this question “is couples therapy a bad sign?” is - what is so important to you and your partner about the relationship, that has you seeking help? 

What I mean with this, is that I suspect there are relational values, hopes and dreams that have since gotten off course, and that you might long to get back to them. What are those values, hopes, and dreams that the relationship can provide, but might be falling short right now? 

I see couples at different moments in their relationships, whether that’s...

• Trying to navigate getting on the same page before getting married

• Decades into a partnership and want to bring in new life to their relationship

• Perhaps there’s been infidelity and both individuals are wondering if trust can be rebuilt. 

One of my clinical supervisors where I practice described something very meaningful to me early on in my training. She drew a venn diagram, describing a relationship. On the left circle, she wrote “one important person,” and on the right circle, “one important person.” In the middle where the circles overlapped, she wrote “the relationship.” I keep this centered in my work with couples. Often couples therapy can help people reconnect to their importance as an individual, which can feed back into the relationship. Or, it can help people find more connection to the relationship, and rediscover their accountability to the relationship so that it can help provide them and their partner what they need. 

Couples therapy won’t magically “fix” your relationship for you — instead, it offers a place to slow down, listen differently, and experiment with new ways of showing up for yourself and each other. Rather than seeing it as an ominous last resort, you might think of it as routine maintenance. Just like you wouldn’t expect a car to run forever without maintenance and repairs, a relationship needs tending to as well. 

Relational challenges can sometimes mean using your agency to walk away, and they can also be invitations to repair. Couples therapy can be a space where you can get curious about your patterns, learn new ways to communicate, and remember what brought you together in the first place.

Rather than couples therapy being seen as a bad sign, as an omen, what if you were to recognize the strength and willingness inherent in asking for help? 

• If you and your partner are ready to take that first step toward healing and connection, I’m here to support you. Whether you're facing communication struggles, emotional distance, or want to reconnect on a deeper level, couples therapy Costa Mesa can provide a safe space for growth and change.

• Reach out today to learn more about how couples therapy can support you both — and the relationship that matters so much to you.

• I offer a free 15-minute Zoom consult with you and/or your partner. I’d love to hear what questions are on your mind.

Get in touch:

✨ Get Started with Marriage Counseling in Costa Mesa

📞 ‪(657) 339-2672‬

📧 ksuzanwilson@gmail.com